Today is the feast of St. Aelred of Rievaulx, a 12th century Cistercian monk from Yorkshire, abbot of the Abbey of Rievaulx. AS a form Lancastrian it goes against the grain to say his is one of my favourite saints, "Can anything good come from that place??" But his writings and ideas are still relevant for today.
What could an obscure twelfth century monk teach 21st century Christians about relationships today? I firmly believe that Aelred has something to say to our society today, our society of networking and quick and easy friendship on social networks especially. He speaks to those who probe the human need for intimacy, for deep human relationships based on self-disclosure and mutual acceptance, because he provides us with a Christo-centric view of these relationships. So what was originally written for monastics in the twelfth century could be utilised today to help us come to a Christian understanding of how to relate to each other.
I think his idea that human friendship is especially important because of the idea that human friendships lead to God. It is in each other that we meet God’s love, Aelred is saying to us today. He didn’t always choose the best, or the holiest as friends but showed his compassion for the weak and possibly more temperamental members of the community. Neither was he the strongest or the best himself. That, I think, should give us hope too, that we don’t always have to strive to be the best, or the most prayerful or the most holy Christian. We just have to be ourselves!
In Christian friendship each one shares, each listens, each gives and receives; it is an adult relationship. He emphasises the equality of those involved in a spiritual relationship and the responsibility of each for how it develops, matures and its depths, because the response we encounter in these relationships is a microcosmic image of what we shall discover eternally in God.
“He was a man whose love was great enough to prove that greatness does not need to be brutal, and that to be a saint, one does not have to despise human affections.”1
He made room for friends who spoke their mind, who never tried to please him just because he was Abbot and accepted him also for who he was. Spiritual friendship can grow in crisis and challenge and Aelred understood that. He also understood that we are all difficult in some ways but all capable of being friends with God and each other. Developing understanding of the other leads to acceptance and a growth in love. All of this takes place in the love of Christ that embraces true friendship.
He made room for friends who spoke their mind, who never tried to please him just because he was Abbot and accepted him also for who he was. Spiritual friendship can grow in crisis and challenge and Aelred understood that. He also understood that we are all difficult in some ways but all capable of being friends with God and each other. Developing understanding of the other leads to acceptance and a growth in love. All of this takes place in the love of Christ that embraces true friendship.
